by Kyle Desautel
Who is Fucklyft?
- 22 years old
- Wears a size 9 shoe
- Lived in Los Angeles all his life
- Fucks with Bitcoin
- Likes to rub his nipples with his favorite flavor of ice cream, Vanilla.
- Fucking loves house music
- Doesn't do drugs or drink alcohol
Fucklyft is a kid from LA who's Instagram I have been getting extreme comedic pleasure from ever since I was introduced to him. I recently had the chance to meet him over Facetime and the conversation was hilarious. He sat on his front porch half naked in typical Fucklyft fashion, eating cashews and went on a crazy rant about why Lyft is trash. His Instagram silliness is definitely not a front; his personality reflects what's seen on his page.
K: Did you get caught when you ruined that corner store?
FL: Nah. I didn't get caught. I have this 40-second system that I use that helps me get away every time. So I go in and it usually takes them about 10 seconds to realize I'm crazy, then it takes about 10 seconds for them to call the police. By then it usually takes a few minutes for the police to show up, but then they get there and I have already gotten into my friend's car and I'm safe.
K: Has anyone ever tried to fight you for putting your camera in their face?
FL: No. I've never been beaten up. One time when I was younger my friends and I would go throw water balloons at people. One time we decided to follow this one homeless guy who had crack pipes attached to his hat like one of those beer hats would usually have. So we followed him back to where he lived and started throwing water balloons at him. The first one missed and he noticed us so he started chasing after us. He beat my friend up and I ran home but that was the closest I've ever been to getting beat up.
K: If you could do anything to prevent homelessness in LA what would you do?
FL: I would make everything really cheap and open a centre for the ones who are actually looking to get their shit together. They can still do drugs and shit but it would be a spot for them to try and become a person again. I would also raise the minimum wage to 20$ an hour. That would help too. Homeless people are kind of cool though; they are like street art.
K: Would you be interested in a professional comedy career or are you just being Fucklyft?
FL: I'm just being me. I don't really like the label 'comedian' or anything. I want to just do what I want to do. Like I was going to make mix today cause I had nothing to do. I don't want to just do one thing you know.
FL: I love that game man. I made it to #2.
K: Your feet in others' mouths?
K: Why Uber over Lyft?
FL: Fuck Lyft. Niggas are failures. Their logo is trash. Fuck that pink moustache. Their drivers are always trying to tell you about shit and how you're wrong and stuff. Uber is just very professional and nice.
K: Any ties to Brockhampton? Why are you always repping them?
FL: I met this girl and for some reason she attracts celebrities. So I met Ameer from Brockhampton through her because they were dating. I am actually really good friends with him now. I love that dude. But I haven't actually listened to any of their music.
K: What's with those photo shoots you do? Is that some fashion shit?
FL: Oh naaa. I just showed up to my homie's photoshoot and stood in front of the camera naked when they were on their break and they just started taking pictures of me. I actually have the picture of my dick out as my wallpaper on my phone and when I go to my girlfriend's house I put my phone on the table and her dad sees my dick. He asks me to take it off because he doesn't want the women in the house to see that. But he doesn't know that his daughter and I be fucking, so that's cool.
Click the hat for fucklyft's Soundcloud